Loneliness...

I remember us,
In the light of day..
Then darkness descended
As you walked away...


I wish I could go back,
to where it all began,
to days filled with "i love you"
and walks in the sand...


I want to ask
where i went wrong
but don't say anything
at all...

Now my nights are lonely
there's no one to hold

the way that I am living
still secrets untold


I lie around in bed all day
just staring at the walls
holding on to someone
that has long been gone


days are as cold as winter
my heart is turning to ice
why did you take
the warmth from my life


This loneliness is overwhelming
At times I can't breath
all i need is you
to bring me relief
this is where our story ends ...
and no of course
we cant be FRIENDS ... :

What was my fault??

I am sitting alone in this little drizzle and starless night on a cold bench. The rain seems to be compensating to the silent tears falling off from my eyes. Life, actually has changed drastically after he left me alone in this strange world where I seem to be so lonely and alone without a single soul understanding me. Although he promised me that he would forever be there for me by my side; understand my feelings; forgive all my faults but all he did was leaving me alone without fulfilling those promises.

                    "What was my fault..??" , This is the only question which pops up in my mind every now and then; which runs through my thoughts every time I sit alone trying to remember the times we spent together. "Was our love so weak? Were all those promises meant to be broken??" I ask myself but am left unanswered. All I can do now is just try and accommodate myself to this present situation; where I am so lonely and alone; where I find no one to listen to my wails. It is not easy; in fact it is the toughest task I had ever done but still I know that I have to live, for myself, for him.

                      Unable to stop my tears falling off, I shut my eyes close for them to flow off. This feeling is not wanted because it tears me apart; it tears that broken heart into small pieces but then something around me seems to change; my mood changes and I see him standing some feet away from me and slowing calling "Shona, I'm here for you baby..." He comes closer; close enough for a hug and hugs me tight. My tears flows more rapidly with this heart warming hug and wets his shirt. He asked me to stop crying and gently wipes those tears off. The hug melts me in those strong arms and I feel safer than I had ever been before. He comes more close while his lips tends to be touching mine. I find myself in loss of words to express my feelings. He holds me tight from my waist and gently caresses my lips with his own. He tries to bite my lips slowly. I open my eyes to find him staring at me lovingly. He whispers, "I am sorry baby; I am always with you even if you don't find me present physically; Please stop crying". He wipes off my half tried tears and kisses my forehead.

                      It just feels so good to be in his arms again. I find all those memories reviving again and it seems that life is at track again. This feeling, truly, is so much better than the loneliness that I have been suffering from in the past days. He holds my hands and we sit together in the cold bench. We keep talking as I rest my head on his shoulders. A drop of tear escapes my eyes. This was the tear signifying our reunion. But he catches that midway and tells me never to cry again as he would be with me forever. I lean myself more onto him while he embraces me lightly. I don't know when sleep overtakes my tears but I wake up to the touch of his lips on my cheeks.

                      But, as soon as I open my eyes, I find no sign of him around me. he wasn't there embracing me and kissing me; I find myself in that starless night alone with no soul around me. I realize that it had all been a dream; a heart throbbing dream which, I knew, would never be true;  a dream which existed only in my memories and it was something which had no similarity with the reality.

                      Yeah, he had actually gone away for his own happiness; he had gone away to live his own life and I was just left alone in my own little world which was so full if emptiness. My life had just become a hell with his departure; but I was so sure within myself that I could never forget his touches and his embraces. My life could never be that happy and cheerful again without him in it.

                       Crying loudly to relieve myself of this pain, all I could once again ask myself was. "What was my fault...???" </3 :( 

Memories revived...

As I sit down in my room, alone and lonely, on this friendship day, wondering about my life- my past and my present; I ask myself whether that it the life which I had actually wanted to live. The answer comes from within me, in negative. I had never intended to live in such a way but then why it happened with me? Why I am the person who is always so lonely and alone?

I wish to rewind my life and go back to those times in my life where I was a year ago. The life which I had lived before was so good and that was that time when I had actually believed in those relations like love and friendship. But then I wonder what changed me so much that I have chosen to live in the way I had never intended. I just keep wondering what changed me so much that I have now preferred to live alone wholly without even a single friend in my life.

I go down to my memory and remember those times I spent with you, with the best ever person I had ever known in my life, with my best friend, my best buddy but these memories just make me cry more. Although I don’t want to cry, but still tears keep falling off from my eyes like a stream of water newly generated from those happy memories. I remember those times when we actually meant so much to each other; when talking to each other even for hours did not complete our talks; when wishing each other first on every eve was a habit; when a single drop of tear from my eyes made you cry too and when a simple but genuine smile on my face meant your world to you. But with that phase of my life being over, I feel that my life itself has actually come to a halt.

With you being in my life, I had spent each and every moment happily and cheerfully but with you gone, even the happiest of moments can’t make me smile genuinely. I don’t just know where actually my life is heading to this way but then I feel had I been a bit sincere about our friendship, I would still have had you, the most precious possession I had ever had, with me, by my side. I look down onto my mobile phone every now and then wondering whether you’ll at all care to text me wishes for the friendship day but then with no hopes, I just switch it off.

I don’t know what has happened between us in some time but truly, life does actually mean to live with the memories because it is, in reality, those happy memories which is making me live now. But then, I also live with that hope that someday at least, you’ll feel a bit of emptiness in your life and want me back too. I prefer to live with this hope wondering if at all it will ever come true.

Lying on my bed, thinking of you…

How you are, how you have been...

Without me, in your life…

Are you happy now? Are you free..?

Come back to me please... Come back to me…

I am hoping that someday, you'd change your mind

Sooner or later that you'd realize my value…

Why you so angry? Why you so mean?

Can’t you see that you're hurting me…?

Baby please... Come back to me

Pouring teardrops from my eyes…

Can you hear them? Can you feel me sigh?

I am falling down, falling so deep

Anticipating helplessly…

Come back to me please… Come back to me…

I am all locked up, full of thoughts…

About you, inside my mind…

I feel the pain digging in more and more…

Into my soul, running through my veins…

But can’t you feel my pain… Come back to me please…

Only you can help me... only you can heal me

Only you can bring life back to me…

Because you own me, you hold the key..

Come unlock me and make me yours....

Come back to me… Come back to me please… </3 L